Kankinta Meilė
by Soviet Am Blacktree
Summary: Ivan snaps, and decides to take it out on poor Toris. Warning! Forgein Languages used, YAOI, Rape, Blood Gore, Torture, Forced ManXMan, RussLiet, severe language. Rated M for a reason! Two-Shot unless more requested.
1. Pradžia

Net tie, manote, kad niekada negali jums pakenkti, gali. Net jei jie prisiekia, kad jie tave amžinai. Amžinai nėra paskutinis. Jis išnyks kaip ir praėjusį pavasarį nužudyti žiauriai šalčio žiemos gėlės. Taip yra iš meilės. Ji nėra paskutinis. (**1**)

* * *

Whimpers of pain echoed in the small room, colliding with gasps and plaintive pleas.

Spread eagle, restrained by cords that fixed to the underside of the bed that I was laying on. My mouth and nose crushed into the silken bed sheets. I flinch as I hear the ominous whistle, bracing myself for impact.

When the whip hits, it rips into my already shredded skin. Blood languidly dripping from the lacerations. Fire erupts in my already fevered skin, causing me to arch my back. Throwing my head to the ceiling with the force of my scream.

A cold hand slaps my face causing my head to rip to the side. Pain shoots up my spice at the awkward position.

They kneel before me, smiling in their insanity. Threading their fingers in my sweat and blood matted hair, cooing and laughing at my pitiable expression.

"Was that enjoyable?" Quirking an eyebrow they wait for my reply.

All the words freeze at the tip of my tongue. So many things I want to say, but know that if uttered, my reward would be even more stinging blows. So I keep silent, and wait.

Anger flares in the cold corridors of their eyes. Looking into them I can see the pits of hell.

They rip the locks of my hair still twined in their fingers in an agonizing jerk. I bite my lib, chewing it raw in my bid for silence. Hoping against hope that they are done.

"I asked you a question Toris." They mumble through smirking lips. My eyes water as they continues to thread through my hair. Still I keep silent. The whip raises dripping with blood as they prepare to lash me a again. I close my eyes and try to wish myself away. Three stinging cords rip violently into my back, tearing into my flesh. My throat burns with the effort of trying not to scream. Salty tears spill over the lids of my eyes and my torturer tracks the trails of my shames. Grinning they tilt my head back and lick at my face, tasting my tears.

"Why so sad Toris? Don't you enjoy my company?" They laugh cruelly before straddling my hips and scratching at my back with their nails. I buck my hips trying to get them off, encouraged by my groans of pain they dig in deeper. They claw at the cuts and peel my skin away, screams of agony rip from my throat, burning on their way out. Letting my head fall forward into the pillows, I bite down trying to control my ragged gasps of breath that mingle with the tortured screams still issuing from my throat. They haven't done anything like this before and I'm terrified of what they'll do next. Rough hands drag down my battered spine digging into the cuts even more and causing blood to pool faster at the small of my back. The shreds of cloth that is all that is left of my shirt cling to their fingers and adds stinging friction to the lacerations. They reach the band of my sleeping shorts and wiggle their fingers underneath. My breath hitches as I realize what they're about to do. A fresh wave of tears rushes back to my eyes as my shorts are slowly lowered.

A wisp of hot air tickles my ear as they nuzzle the side of my face, my shorts are dragged down the length of my legs and are discarded. The breaths come faster as they slide their hands over my mutilated back, up my arms and along my sides. I bury my face into the pillows, screaming in my head. Panicking. They suction their mouth to my neck and begin to rove my fever skin. A new sharp pain adds to the sensory overload. Sharp teeth are gnawing at my shoulders and neck. Stretching themselves out along my body, I can feel their stiff heat pressing into me. Rolling their hips they grind into my own, and I grip the pillow in my bid for dominance over my tears.

This couldn't be happening. Why me? Why now? Why this?

Wasn't it enough that I as completely under their control? A toy, a plaything, used until they grew tired of it and tossed it aside until the next day when they needed to release their tensions. Sometimes to the extent I feared I had snapped. Broken fully. But always, everyday they came up with new ways to cut me down, stunt me.

Destroy me...

I was yanked from my rambling by the sensation of a hand palming my thighs apart. My mind flurried as it tried to deny what was happening.

To my horror, when they reached for me and began to stroke me...I reacted. Shame burst through my head, berating me for not controlling myself. Self-loathing reached out it's talons and clawed at my mind. I was being violated, I shouldn't be taking pleasure in it. Their hot breath distracted me for a minute as it burned at my ear.

"You enjoy this, Toris" They sneered. I wanted to scream that I hated it, to shove them off and deny it, but my body still betrayed me as the stroking came faster and more hurried. I clawed at my mental restraints and tried to stop it, but I could feel myself slipping. A tightening coiled in my belly as the heat burned stronger with every pump of their hand. A sharp nip to my shoulder blade had me climaxing and cringing as my mind exploded with hate and shame.

But my ordeal was far from over.

The ties on my limbs slackened and I gasped from the pain as my back was allowed to rest.

My mind whirred as I slowly rolled over, aware that they still straddled me. I lay there staring up into their unreadable face.

Humor sparked behind the cloudy sheen of their mental haze. I knew they weren't done, they wouldn't stop until they felt I had been dominated thoroughly. I narrowed my eyes and glared defiantly up at them.

Anger ignited as they registered my new expression. A large meaty hand collided with my face with a sickening crack. A shrill cry echoes in the room as I whimper in pain. A well of blood springs up in my mouth as I watch the crazy light glow in their eyes.

* * *

A/N: Am I a horrible person for cutting it off there? Lol it's a two part story..unless someone demands more...so the next one is under construction...

(1) I apologize if the grammar of my Lithuanian is horrible..it isn't my first language and I'm teaching myself....sooooo yeah...lol

What does it mean you ask? -Translation- Even those you think that can never hurt you, can. Even if they swear that they will love you forever. Forever doesn't last. It will fade like the flowers of last spring killed by the harsh frost of winter. Such is the way of love. It does not last.

Bit horrible eh? lol

Oh! And the title means Tortured Love. So that's going to play a bit of a role in the story too...._; lol PLEASE Read and Review!!! Danke Shön!


	2. Kankinimas

_Ivan's POV_

Staring out from behind the eyes that I hide behind, I watched the scene unfold. This body which betrays, tortured him. Caused him to bleed, to feel pain. He stares at me evenly, features marred slightly by pain. Just watching me.

I _know_ it's wrong. I know I shouldn't.

But... I can't stop.

This body hides a monster, one who claims dominance. One that likes the pain it inflicts. Who enjoys the red blooming out of his body. My mental restraints keep me hostage, smuggling to stop myself.

The Demon laughs at my attempts. It sneers as I try to regain myself. But in the end, I'm too weak.

SRLSRLSRLSRLSRLSRLSRLSRL

_Toris's POV_

I could see the shift in their eyes as they glowered down at me.

I hope...pray...that he wins.

But the icy hate slowly frosts over those violet eyes. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and close my eyes. Iron hands clamp over my bruised wrists and slip them back in to the restraints. The action causes the dry blood to shift, pain lances through my body as my arms are drawn tight. I grit my teeth as my back bow trying to relieve some of the tension.

It's a mistake to do so.

They hiss as our hips connect and the feral manic glint ignites their eyes further. Their hand palms slowly down their body, crisp white shirt tainted with shiny crimson of fresh blood that streams down and blots the cloth of their black pleated trousers. The white of their hand is stained with the flecks of dried blood and it smears the new on its downward trek.

It comes to rest on the stainless steel buckle of their belt. It winks wickedly in the light and I begin to hyper-ventilate. The room wavers as I suck back breath.

Cruel laughter slices through the semi-silence. A hand marbled with blood swings freely and connects with my jaw for the second time. It brings pain which I use as a focus point to even my breathing. As my eyes water my ears pick up the terrifying sound of the buckle being undone, quickly followed by the rasp of a zipper being drawn down.

The weight of them lifts up as they stand to discard their pants and boxers. They toy with the belt before ripping it from the loop and cracking like a whip. I flinch from the sound and they laugh with glee. Pulling tight the cords they restrain my legs once again. My cheeks burn as I lie naked for them to touch and look at freely. Shame gnaws at my mind taunting me from the sidelines with barbed words. I watch as they hesitantly step towards the bed, childish delight creeping over their face. Slowly they climb on the bed and straddle me once again.

Skin on skin, their icy cold flesh on mine gives me Goosebumps and as their eyes begin to glaze over it makes me nauseous. Lust clouds the pinkish purples of their eyes and they pull back slightly probing me. Shock numbs me from my core and I can only lie there and try to deny what's happening.

They gaze down and with a vicious shove, push into me. Pain makes me gasp, and tears leak from my eyes. Groaning softly they pull their hips back slowly before ramming hard right back into place. The immense pain tears at me and I squeeze my eyes shut. It was the worst thing I could have done. The sounds, smells, and feeling assaulted me the instant I closed them. The sweat rolling off his roiling body dripped onto my own sweaty skin, their breath heated my face with each exhale spewing foul air that stank of vodka. The rustle of cloth mixed in with the slight creaking of the bed, moving in tandem with their thrusts. The feel of our slick bodies sliding together. The slap of flesh colliding made me sick.

But the pain gave me focus. Burning white hot and increasing with every movement. I could feel thin rivulets of blood running down my thighs, large meaty hands bruising my wrists, and the occasional flash of pain as they chewed my shoulders into a bloody mess.

I t seemed to take forever but finally, they froze and released with a drawn out moan. Collapsing on top of me they looked up into my face and smiled. I glared back and watched as the icy quality melts away. Their body slackens as exhaustion rolls over them. Struggling to sit they drag themselves into an upright position. Their violet eyes slowly fill with tears and a now gentle hands dance along my body floating from injury to injury. They peer down and lock gazes with me. Tears overflow and run down their face and drip onto my own. It makes me feel better as if their tears are cleaning me of this disgusting nasty feeling.

"Toris!" They wail and carefully release the braces, hurling them away.

A/N: I really am a horrible person to cut off right there...lol but I have more written down, it's just a matter of typing it and sending it in. ^_^ I hope you enjoyed it...even if Toris didn't. I'd really appreciate it if those of you who read it...could review...I'm surprised at the number I have already so for those who reviewed: THANK YOU!

This story kinda took on a life of it's own and it's going to contine until I have no more ideas of what to put into it. If you'd like to suggest something just send me a pm. Word prompts, situations you want to see, things like that...

Achhh gotta go to work now!

Am


	3. Taisyklės Pasikeitė

They lurch to their feet and stumble drunkenly to the room's adjoining bathroom. Still numb from the experience I lay there and listen to what's happening, daring to hope it's over.

Something breaks and they curse it in rapid Russian. They appear at the doorway laden with bandages and bottles. Making their way back to the bed they drop to their knees and begin to open the bottles. My eyes trace their face wary. Their hands lift up and slowly inch toward me. I tense up as it brushes my arm. They halt for a second before delving under my shoulder and gently rolling me over. Grunting in pain, I stiffen which wasn't the best idea. Sore muscles protest against the rapid movement, and the resulting pain has tears streaming down my face. A sharp intake of breath informs me just how bad my wounds are.

"Oh...Toris." They moan softly, anger and horror twisting through the words.

I can feel their gaze on me and I hate it. Regardless of the tears that they shed for me that vile rusted feeling is beginning to rise again. Something wet and cold glides across my back, which is burning from the whip and clawing fingers. It soothes for a few seconds before a new pain begins to set in. Searing pain like a thousand tiny needles sweep across the abused area. My body seizes as they continue to rub what I now know to be peroxide over my wounds.

Black spots my vision before finally pulling me under. The last thing I see is a crystallized drop falling from terrified violet eyes.

That when I floated off...

"Oh!"

A loud resounding crash, a grunt of annoyance.

"Oops..sorry." A whispered apology.

"Sush, why can't you do that elsewhere?" A just as quiet reprimand. The black was fading, not as heavy. Not as oppressive.

My eyelids felt like they'd been nailed shut, my limbs like sand for all the control I had over them.

"Look! He's moving!" A delighted giggle and a stern shush in return. But it gave me hope that I wasn't just flopping around in my own mind.

"Toris? Tor?" A gentle nudge to the shoulder. "Can you hear me?"

"Mmmmph..." I groaned. Steeling myself I forced my eyelids open.

Oh...not smart. Too bright! Gritting my teeth I willed my watering eyes to stay open, damned if I had to try again. Something moved to block the killer fluorescents , oh hello arm. Seems like motor control has entered the building. Huffing in a breath I heave myself up and adjust myself so I can sit on my own.

A wave of dizziness washed over me, and it was few minutes before I could look around without wanting to hurl. Bed. I was on a bed. Okay, Room...mine it seemed. Azure blue carpet, mahogany bookshelves, floor to ceiling windows. Yup, mine.

Voices. Looking around I saw the sources.

Raivis. Eduard. My brothers.

"Tor." A sighed whisper this time, a reassurance.

A squeal lit up from the door as a blonde fluff ball hurtled towards me. It caught it's self before it could jump on the bed. For which I was thankful.

"You're finally awake." Eduard said, removing his glasses and efficiently cleaning them before replacing them on his nose. His light green eyes studied my every movement before he flung himself at me.

Raivis hopped on the bed and snuggled in on my left, Eduard my right.

"How long?" I croaked, throat dry as dirt. Eduard took his time pouring a tumbler of water, when he turned back around his face was grim.

"19 days, 6 hours, and 10 minutes. The longest two and a half weeks of my life." He said straight faced. The only sign of his slipping composure was the shaking of his usually steadfast hands. I carefully took the glass from him and drank it down before continuing.

"And him?" I faltered unable to say his name. Eduard's face turned stony.

"On the third level, in the library. Comes out only to see you, or go to his rooms."

"Oh." Was all I could say. The thought of him visiting me, chilled me to the core. Sensing my disquiet Raivis snuggled harder and I leant down and kissed his shaggy mop of wheat-colored hair.

Eduard glanced down at his wrist watch and blanched. He beckoned Raivis out of the bed with panic marring his features. I frowned at their rush and began to express my hurt, but Eduard silenced me.

"Explain. Later." He breathed before darting out of the room with Raivis in tow.

I glanced at the door disheartened. Then I heard it. The rhythmic walk that told me too well who was coming. My blood ran cold and I scooted down the bed enough to lie down. Arranging myself in a sleeping position, I closed my eyes just as the handle on the door began to turn.

Heavy footfalls slapped at the heavy carpet, drawing closer to the bed. I tried to regulate my breathing but the painful pounding of my heart made it difficult.

The sound of a chair being plunked down sent Goosebumps crawling up my arms. Rustle of clothing, creak of the chair, then all was silent save my choppy breathing and their even draws.

A hand clamped onto my wrist and pulled it. I remembered to stay limp as they toyed with it.

"Why won't you wake, my little Toris? All you do is sleep and sleep. I want to play." They cooed. My skin tightened, that tone was the hallmark of their sadistic side.

Their cold hands trailed up my arms and I struggled not to flinch. It came to rest on my cheek and I could feel their stare intensifying.

"Sleep, little one. While you can." The honey tones dripped from their lips and fell on my ears like a cloying and sickening stench. They pressed their lips hard to my cheek and got up. I cracked my eyes just enough to watch them disappear from the room.

Stiffling a sob, I sat up and wiped the lingering wetness and smell from my cheek. I struggled with my gagging, chest heaving sobs, when I felt a hand rubbing my back. Yanking up, thinking they had returned I lifted my hands to defend but let them fall when I saw that it was only Eduard and Raivis back from their hiding.

I let myself go and tried to relax.

"Don't let go too much, once he finds out you're awake...he's holding a summit meeting." Eduard said, pulling me into his lap. I startled and looked into his face confused.

The Rules of his game have changed. It's time to re-learn how to play." He said, looking down at me.

I blanched at the thought, " Hell week all over again."


	4. Tai Prisimena

I was able to prolong my freedom a whole three days before He finally figured out that I was awake. He walked in on the fourth day and caught me dressing. His excitement over rode any questions as to why I was up and why I was in the middle of getting dressed.

"Toris?" A sweetly questioning voice rang out. I was stuck in my closet trying to figure out what to wear that day when I heard the tell tale footsteps leading into my room. I froze as I realized that if caught I was trapped. I hastened to pull my pullover on and stepped into the room proper and came face to face with him.

"H-h-hello, Mr. Braginsky sir." Stammering I looked around for any possible escape routes. He looked at me curiously, eyeing the bed before stepping closer and placing his hand on my forehead.

He smiled, "How many time have I told you to just call me Ivan." He chuckled ," Mr. Braginsky sounds so old. Let me hear you say it."

"Hello, Mr. Ivan." I mumbled staring at the floor hyper aware of his skin on mine. My skin broke out into cold sweat but I managed to quell my instinct to run. He ran his hand along my shoulder and pulled me closer.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, a gleam in his eye lighting up the dusky lilac. I swallowed hard and side stepped him, heading for the door.

"I'm fine sir, I better go see what Raivis and Ed are doing. I'll have your breakfast up directly. Would you prefer to eat in your study or the library?" Still edging towards the door I glanced back and nearly vomited when he sidled back up to me smiling.

"I'd like to eat _zavtrak_ with you three in the kitchen this morning. What will you be making?" He cooed placing his hand on the small of my back. I squeezed my eyes shut before continuing out the door his huge body keeping pace with me along the long corridor that lead to the Great Hall.

"I was thinking honeyed buckwheat _Blini _and _Kasha_ with blackberries." I pulled out of my head, breakfast items were the last thing on my mind with him plodding with me, but he seemed to like the idea . We reached the Great Hall and were joined by Raivis and Eduard each coming out of their own hallways, both surprised to see me up and about and frightened to find Him walking with me. Eduard cocked his eyebrow in my direction and tilted his head in a questioning manner. I spun my index finger in a circle by my side, one of our many signals of secret communication, and told him to wait. I'd tell him later. He shrugged and half dragged Raivis down the stairs and into the kitchen to wait for me. I settled Him in the dining room with a promise of food.

Escaping to the kitchen allowed me to focus on the task at hand. Ivan thoroughly enjoyed simple Russian Cuisine, and upon my arrival had been handed a cookbook filled with his favorites. Highly adept at cooking them, I had become, after many temper tantrums, punishments and fear filled nights. Flipping to the recipe for _blini_ I had Raivis hunt up the ingredients while I warmed the stove and heated the griddle.

Eduard stood beside me and dutifully mixed the batters, careful not to let the _Kasha_ burn. He eyed me while doing so but knew better than to press for answers. I'd give them when I was ready. Raivis hurried in and grabbed a stack of plates and silverware before trotting back out. I glanced down at the tiny little griddle cakes and sighed.

"He walked into my room while I was dressing." I said, not bothering to give an introduction. Eduard stiffened minutely but continued stirring the thick porridge. "He didn't seem to realize that I'd been out for so long, so I don't think he knows that I know." Flipping the cakes carefully I folded them into tiny triangles and stuffed them with a honey butter mix before settling them on a platter and covering them with a heat towel. Lifting the pot of _Kasha_ I carefully spooned into four bowls and placed them on a tray and placed the platter of _blini _next to them. Hefting up the tray I started for the doorway.

"I'm just going to act like I don't remember. It'd be best if you'd do the same." I said looking at the floor.

Eduard sputtered in indignation. "Act? As if I can let go of those images. Tor I carried you from that room and cleaned you. I know what he did, I tended to you, that's not something I can just let go. _Unusta, kui saad Vend. Aga ma ei saa kunagi kustutada, et minu meelest_." He snarled and walked out in front sitting violently in a chair furthest from Ivan. I lowered my head and continued on to serve breakfast.

A/N: I've started to branch out with the terms in this chapter. Poor Tor, little does he know that this is only the beginning.

Title means: The Mind Remembers

_Zavtrak_: Russian for Breakfast.

_Blini_: Russian Pancakes made from whole grains and buckwheat. Can be eaten with berries, honey or jam. Or sour cream, meat, or fish. Folded into triangles and eaten with a fork and knife or by hand.

_Kasha:_ Whole grain porridge. Extremely healthy and nutritious. Can be eaten with honey, berries or jam. Or Sour Cream, meat, and/or fish.

What Eduard said: Forget if you can, Brother. But I can't erase that from my mind.

Next up, what does Russia-san have planned for the poor Baltics? Stay tuned...

-shot-

Am


	5. Norėdamas Gyventi Vakar

The clink of silverware was all that I could hear in the smallish dining room. And it was driving me slowly to the brink of madness. The tension that clouded the room was nearly palpable. Eduard was sulking in his chair barely eating , throwing angered looks at Ivan when he thought he wasn't looking, and sending me hurt looks when I looked at him. Raivis could sense it as he looked back and forth between us, shoveling _Kasha _and _Blini_ in as fast as he could. Ivan seemed to be the only one who couldn't sense the unrest brewing. Digging his fork in and eating happily he would stop every once in a while to look up at me and smile. I ate as much as I could but in the end I just felt queasy.

Ivan had a master plan, I was sure of it. He rarely if ever ate with us, preferring to stay in his study or the library brewing over finances and estate matters. I preferred it that way too.

At last he finished the last of his food, smacking his lips in satisfaction and grinning cheerfully around the table. He settled back in his chair and sighed.

"_Bihla ochin fkusna_!" Ivan said. His hand extended slowly, and began to drum a tempo on the hard cedar of the table. "I was disappointed about not having _Kifir, _I must admit." He glanced at me quickly before latching on his gaze on Raivis. Cowering beneath the brunt of the Ivan's heavy stare he waited for the scolding he expected. But it didn't come. "Eduard, take Raivis to the supermarket in Moscow. Buy groceries, I suspect that we are low on many things." He flicked his gaze back to me for a second before pinning Eduard down. "Take your time, don't forget anything. Toris clear up, I'll be waiting in the library for you." He grinned and lifted his plate an gently set atop my own. Standing he bowed slightly to me before retreating to the upstairs.

"Told you," Eduard muttered, still stirring his _Kasha_. I rolled my eyes at him, and began to pile up the dishes. Raivis carried the glasses to the kitchen and started the water. Eduard grabbed at my shoulder, and slipped a small rectangle into my pocket. "For emergencies." He said softly. I nodded and took the remaining dishes to the sink. Raivis dutifully dunked them, passed them to me for washing while Eduard dried. Stacking them one by one, careful to check for patches of fog on the glass and buffing them, Eduard tried to prolong his leaving. But in the end he was called to Ivan's study to receive a list of things he needed to procure while in Moscow.

Eduard looked down cast as he exited the study. I looked at him questioningly, he looked up warily but shook his head in disgust and marched past. I watched him, grab Raivis by the hand and continue down the hall stopping only to look at me and mime using a phone. I nodded and walked past the study door to my room that was a few doors down. I slowly let the door open, checking the hall one last time before darting in and making my way to the closet. Slipping out the small silver rectangle from my pocket I flipped it open and scrolled down the menu items. On the phones speed dial was Eduard's number, and Feliks. I smiled at the name before muting it and slipping it into my winter coat. If Ivan ever found it in my possession, I shuddered to think of what he might do.

I slipped out of the slightly dampened clothes I had on and pulled on more comfortable pleated trousers and a puffed sleeve peasant shirt. Opting out of shoes I walked barefoot to the door in time to hear my name being called. Sighing I readied myself for what I considered was going to be a grueling meeting. Slipping out and down the hallway I followed the sugar-coated voice to the library door. Huffing in a breath I knocked lightly and waited for the command.

"Enter." Was the silkily given order. I complied immediately, knowing Ivan's temper for slowness. He glanced back at me before turning back round to his desk and scribbling on a piece of paper. I made to move to his side and begin whatever task he had for me, but a bone chilling snarl held me fast. " Don't move, Toris." He glanced up into a mirror and glared back at me. Moving a hand he pressed a button, behind me I could hear the loud click of locks sliding into place had cold sweats breaking out over my skin.

Not so soon, surely? I couldn't have done anything to anger him in the last three days...could I?

Apparently so, by the scowl his reflection showed. I tried my best to stand straight, and present a united front, one free of terror that was so slowly bubbling up within me.

"I am a good friend, am I not Toris?" He said, sighing as he slid papers around on his desk. " I ask for very little, and take very little. So why do you not like me?" His voice dropped an octave as one hand clenched on his iron pipe shaped like a water faucet. My mouth ran dry, and I tried to choke out words around the paper texture of my lips.

"I didn't ask for responses, Toris." His voice light and syrupy, "Your actions have proven damning enough. You see, while you were sleeping for weeks, I had a camera installed in your room. I won't bother to tell you where, so you can just go rip it out when you leave. I wanted to know when you woke so I could greet you. About four days ago, you finally stirred for the first time. I was delighted! But when I arrived, you were still unmoved and unchanged as before. What happened Toris? Talking to your brothers wore you out too much?" He chuckled softly, each sound rolled over my skin digging into is. I blanched as he stood and faced me.

There was no friendly flicker behind his eyes, only a stone cold rage that burned me with its gaze. It wasn't Ivan...it was them. My hands clenched as they strolled closer, circling and leaning in slightly, puffing vodka tainted breaths of air at my sweat-soaked skin. He rested his head on my should near my ear, and drew in a breath before continuing.

"From then on I kept special watch, and found out your lies." His voice became soft and child like, eliciting a shudder. "Why did you lie to me, Toris? Don't you like me? I like you, you know. I like you a lot!" He swept up in front of me and looked me straight on, a mad gin marring his features as he eyed me. I stood there shaking, knowing that the doors were locked, and I had no means of escaping. My head dropped as I realized the one thing that could have saved me was not with me. The phone from earlier, still slipped away in my coat.

I groaned softly, shaking my head. A hand swept under my chin lifting it, hard violet eyes bored into my own and I flinched trying to get away from them. But they were holding too tight, my squirming was noticed and their mouth tightened into a vice-like grip. "And to add insult to injury," He breathed, hissing each syllable out, "You don't even pay attention when I'm talking to you. Toris...I love you, da?"

My eyes shot to meet his, not comprehending what he was saying.

A/N:

I always leave it off when it starts to get good...huh?

Title means: To Live in Yesterday.

What Ivan says: That was delicious.

Kifir: Buttermilk/Sour Milk

DUN DUN DUUUUN -shot- I apologize for the shortness of the last chapter...I promise these next ones'll make up for the epic shortness of the last chapters...

And a note: All the Russian spoken or referred to is what is called Transliteration, as you probably can't read in Cyrillic Russian I've taken the liberty of putting what it's _supposed_ to sound like.

...The next chapter (that I'm working on right now) is going to be a doozy, I can feel it. Last night, for some reason while role-playing as Russia, my mind was able to comprehend his thinking...and I made notes. Apparently during that conversation I played the role pretty damn convincingly, but next chapter'll be the judge, da? I'll be including warnings for it next chapter...stay tuned.

AM


	6. Žaislų

A/N: I apologize now for the amount of POV changes...but it was the only way I could keep going without making myself sick.

Russian: мой немного один: My Little One

and Собственность России: Property of Russia

I'm Warning you now, I've done everything in my power to make this as horrifying as possible. In keeping with a Sadistic!Ivan he's brutally tortured Toris, and it's not pretty. This chapter contains: Blood drinking, disfigurement, rape, molestation, scarification, torture, and insanity.

Now..I'm going to go throw up. This chapter has drained me, so it might be a while before I upload again.

_POV Ivan_

Lashing out at him was a relief. For weeks I had watched his camera's monitor, searching for a flicker. I had begun to worry that I'd broken him completely. So when I saw him moving I had been so happy. But he'd ruined it. He'd lied about still being asleep, he feigned sleep whenever I came in, but when his brother's were there he got up and about. That he hid from me burned me, that he'd lied made me want to make it so he couldn't anymore.

My hand, so much larger than his face struck him swiftly. A crippling blow to someone who was not conditioned like my Toris was. He could take it, and that made me happy. The sharp crack of my hand meeting his face punctured the room, his lip split leaking that beautiful red. It dripped from his lip and over the slender white column of his neck. Still he stood and looked me in the eye, not a flicker of pain flitting over his features. My breath hitched, he was so beautiful like this. But his defiance had to be dealt with, lest he think me forgiving. I walk slowly round him, circling him. He knew better than to try and keep pace to look at my face and I was proud. I'd trained him well. Clamping my hand on his neck, I apply pressure. Not much, but enough that he wobbles. Shoving him forward he slams into the opposite wall. Following slowly, I let him get his bearings before kicking out his feet, widening his stance and pressing myself up against him. I grab his long brown hair and yank his head to the side, his white skin a enticing sight I can't deny myself. I open my mouth and clamp onto that soft flesh, breaking the skin and feeling my mouth slowly well with his blood. He screams and starts to squirm, I press harder into him. Trying to trap him with the wall. I wrap him in my arms, one hand holding him up, the other scrambling for his clothes. Something about this triggers his response, he begins to fight. Clawing at my arms, trying to find purchase on my beige coat. I giggle, happy that my Toris wasn't so submissive that he lost his fire.

I enjoy dousing it. Violently.

Disregarding his frantic movements, I rip his belt off, and slowly lower his pants, relishing the pained moans that escape his sweet lips. I grind myself into him, gasping as he bucks against me. I know better than to think he wants it too, but in time maybe he'll come to enjoy this sport almost as much as I do. With his legs spread it's simple enough to lever him up and line him up with my hardness. With no preparation or lubrication other than the redness that trails along his thighs, I know that he'll be tighter than before. With a powerful surge I buck up and into him, relishing the long drawn out scream that he lets loose from his throat. He lets out a litany of prayers, screaming out while I bury myself in his heat, relishing his groans and panting. He keeps struggling, fighting to get loose, but all it does is heighten my arousal. I rock my body into his, over and over, enjoying his warmth against my most intimate of flesh. A hot pooling in my belly tells me that I'm close, and I quicken my thrusts wanting to enjoy his tightness before I come. Whimpers keen from his gritted teeth, his head is tossed back, flickers of emotion flitting across his beautiful features. I tighten up against him and bit down on his neck once more as I fill him with my essence. A solitary choked sob forces its way out of his mouth and he falls boneless from my grasp when I set him down on his feet. He stumbles, fighting with his pants, trying to get them back into place.

Laughing I push him into my desk, his head connects with the corner and he falls to his knees, reeling. He lands heavily, but gets right back up. Head down and looking at the floor. More of that blossoming red flower blooms from the knock on his head. He stands his ground, swaying slightly. Odd, usually by now he'd be moving for the door. He shifts, and I tense but he only moved to wipe the blood from his eyes. I was disappointed, he's supposed to put up more of a fight. Make me work for it. I step toward him, slowly, and place my hand on the button that held the locks. Clicking them open, I waited.

Sensing that either way he'd be punished, he opted for the door. I waited a few seconds, giving him time to make the Great Hall before giving chase. I looked at the red puddle that had dropped off him. And I grinned. I wanted to taste it before I was done.

_POV Toris_

I tried to make the door of the entrance hall, much like I did every time. But it was difficult, my muscles protested my hurried movements and I swayed the entire way, stumbling and tripping over my own feet. I could hear the loud thundering of their footsteps, he'd make the entrance hall soon, so I ran through the kitchen trying to make the garden door. But looking back, I saw that no matter what...I'd be found. A trail of blood marks my progress. I close my eyes and bite back the urge to scream. My mind fighting with my instincts, the need to run nearly unquenchable.

Before I could move, a shadow blocks the light. Turning round with a sense of foreboding fear, I look up into their face and close my eyes.

"Caught you, Toris!" They giggle, their fetid breath washes over my face. They raised their strong arm that held their Iron Pipe, and then...everything went black.

Behind my eyelids, I can see the shadows in the room move. The pain swamps my system, it seems to be emanating from my left cheek. Slowly I glide my hand up to my face, gently probing it. My fingers came away sticky with blood, but the most horrifying part was that my check is just a sunken hole. The bone completely given way. My stomach rolls as I try to stop myself from fainting again. Shallow gasps becomes full on hyperventilation as I try not to imagine what my face must looks like.

"Pretty Toris, all covered with blood. Shall I make your skin bloom again мой немного один?" A heavy hand falls on my shoulder and slowly strokes up my neck to my face. I try and turn my head away, to protect my cheek but they follow carefully touching. Tears of fear well in my eyes, and threaten to spill over as they press themselves to my body. I can feel them stroking me, everywhere they can reach. It's too soon, the brink of madness threatens to envelope me as memories and images cascade on my mental plane, choking me with the disgusting and degrading visions.

Pain lances up my back as they drag something sharp up between my shoulder blades. A knife pressed too deep as it cuts my clothes off of me. I gasp for breath as I feel fresh blood flooding the hollow between my shoulder blades. Their giggling lights up as they roughly peel my bloody tattered shirt from my torso. Flashbacks from the last time mingle with the here and now, confusing me. I swear I can feel a whip against my back even while they've taken my hand and are carving letters into the flesh of my arm. They're pressing against my back, even while they're on their knees continuing the markings on my calves and feet.

The blood runs free as I become more and more disorientated, blending into a frenzied mess of pain and blood. Their terrifying laugh echo's throughout the room as they dance around, flinging bloody splotches on the walls. Teeth clamp over the skin of my arms, and a knife digs into my side. The room spins, and I struggle to remain sitting. My pants are in tatters and through them I can see messages written in Russian. I swallow thickly, understanding the marking is permanent. Others decorate my chest, crosshatches that extend from my collar bone to my pelvis. My breaths come in short choppy wiffs, each painful and fleeting. My eyes meet violet ones, and I break the gaze to watch the knife drag from hip to hip, the new pain mingling with the old. Blood gushes from the wound and I can feel my strength disappearing with it.

The strain finally becomes too much...and I break.

_POV IVAN_

I watched as the light left his eyes, not as in died, but as he lost his sense of self. And it made me laugh. For once, maybe he would finally realize what it's like to be me. Looking over my handiwork I trace the many patterns I've created in his snow white skin.

Собственность России so they'd know he was mine. And there was no doubt now that he was. I stand and look over him. His face is black and blue a coagulated mess of blood from the blow I gave him from the pipe. His chest is streaked with deep cuts from my knife, crosshatched and streaming blood, leaning over I rake my nails down them to reopen them and draw fresh blood. Pushing him back onto the bed from his sitting position I crawl on top slowly, gently. Nuzzling his warm skin I hesitantly lick at the closest laceration, when no protests ring I lap more boldly at the many cuts. Rough and tangy his blood coats my throat, swallowing the essence that is Toris, I moan with pleasure knowing that I am the only one to have received this gift. Trailing hands along his bruised limbs I seek out his fingers and twist my fingers around his. Like this he can no longer run from me, like this he can no longer hurt me. He's been broken. And once he heals he'll truly be mine.

I rest my head into the hollow of his neck, content with my doll.

My little Toris.


	7. Gydomasis Kaina

The smell of bleach, sharp and acrid wafted from the floors as the shaggy head of the mop swept over the tile over and over. The stagnant water in the pail was stained a murky pink color, blood that had been hastily wiped and mopped up. Taking a swig of Vodka from the bottle in my hand I retraced the steps of my last little game, checking to make sure I had not missed a spot. Patting Toris on the head from where he sat on the stairs I walked back down to the first floor to dispose of the bloody water. Cleaning up the mess had taken a good hour, followed by a call to my private physician so he could examine Toris. As happy as I was that I had finally brought Toris to his knees, I knew that the state he was in could be fatal if left too long. The fact that he was still awake proved to me that he was able to take it. I was by no means sorry for what I had done, but I preferred to take care of my possessions. I climbed the steps one last time and slowly sat in front of Toris and took his hand.

His vapid eyes were unfocused and blurred with pain and tears. The left side of his face was swollen to almost twice the normal size, his eye swollen a purplish black color and his eye was a clouded red, a sign of the popped blood vessels that had ruptured from the blow. His heaving shoulders were pumping rapidly as he sucked back breath as though he couldn't get enough oxygen. Every now and then a small whimper whistled through his lips and tears dripped non-stop from his eyes, the left a slightly pink tint mixing with the salt water. I brought my hand up and gently probed the sunken crevice that was all that was left of his cheek, he gritted his teeth as I touched a particularly sore spot but other than that, he did not move. His glossy eyes betrayed no emotion, and there was no flickering of fear or hate flitting across his features. He'd truly been defeated, and a painful surge of elation spread through me. I'd be able to reform him, make him perfect. And once he was done, I'd be able to make him stay with me forever. A bond would connect him to me forever, strong and unbreakable.

_SRLSRLSRLSRLSRL_

. The door rang and I lumbered to open it, slightly unsteady from the large clear bottle of liquid I clutched in my hand. Dr. Vladimir Federov stood on the stoop, huddled against the bitter chill. He was a tall man but was not quite level with me, gray-haired and grim faced. His eyes alone revealed the fear he was hiding. He smiled grimly at me before moving to enter; I stood aside and allowed him to cross the threshold. He peered inquiringly around my person.

"Where is he?." He inquired quietly, still studying me.

"There." I pointed up at the shivering mass that was Toris. Federov's eyebrow rose as he took in the bloody disheveled appearance, added to the bloody smashed hole that was all that could be seen on the left side of his face. He said nothing, just shook his head and climbed the flight of stairs and gently but firmly forced Toris to his feet.

"Who is thi-" He began, confused, but decided against finishing his thought, "I suppose this is why you insisted we do this here? Ach, at least we have the necessary equipment here. I presume it's still in the same place, yes?" He spoke softly, seemingly disquieted by the violence that was showcased on the body in his arms.

"I smirked,"Да, I'll be there in a minute," I left him there staring blankly after me. I walked to the kitchen and hit a hidden panel in the wall to reveal a monitor screen that was split in fourths. A small map of Russia was pulled up with a press on the sensitive touch screen. A small white blip registered a second later in the middle of Moscow as the tracking device hidden in Eduard's car locked onto the network. Information was given underneath. It was currently parked by Gorsky Park and had been for about an hour. The time it would take to return home was about four and a half hours. This was a little nerve biting as I tried to calculate how long it might take Vladimir to piece Toris back together. But a doctor I was not and I tapped the screen back into its hidey hole.

By the time I reached the landing of the second floor I could already hear the whir of machinery and I sped up, not wanting to miss a minute. I opened my bedroom door and walked to the closet, grinning triumphantly before stepping through and closing it behind me. Feeling blindly for the switch I hit it. A door swung oped to reveal a pristine white room, somewhat crowded with pieces of heavey machinery. A gurney was standing in the middle and Toris was lying upon it, unconscious and limp. An Iv drip was held up by the drip pole and was plugged into Toris's arm. Dr. Federov's bas was propped up by a leg and he was digging in it, pulling out knives, shears, a sterile package of metal bits, and an odd gun-like contraption that had a small rough cylinder connected to it. I sat in the room's only chair and motioned with my hands.

He took a deep breath before looking up at me and opened his mouth, "I am not a plastic surgeon, I know I can fix him. But to restore him to his original looks is beyond my skill. Also while I'm operating, it'd be best not to startle me. I could slip and accidentally blind him, or kill him." His eyes were haunted, but his words were calm with just a note of disgust and anger. I smiled at the thought that this insignificant man had no idea the value of the damage I had done. Breaking Toris had sealed him to me; it was now my responsibility to build him up into the character befitting one I loved so much. But keeping this hidden from Federov I merely nodded and sat back in my chair. Waiting.

The first cut into Toris's cheek had me second guessing myself, worried that I had gone too far, that the Doctor wasn't going to be able to fix him. That he was too broken. The many cuts and movements of the Doctor's hand had me holding my breath. But as he began to drill into shocking white bone and drained away coagulated blood, lacing the bones together with surgical wires and bolting bones into place I began to relax. Even without the cream of his skin covering his cheek, I could see that the worst that would be left behind would be a scar a little larger than two inches. The hands of the surgeon were focused and intent, but graceful, dancing along Toris's face, weaving him back together, mending him.

I wasn't quite sure how long I sat there and stared at the operation, but before I knew it, it was over. Federov drew out a curved needle and a spool of black thread and quickly and efficiently sewed Toris's cheek back together. He clipped the thread and stowed all his tools back into his bag after splashing them with disinfectant. A quick swipe of a wipe over the newly made cheek and Federov slipped his coat and scarf back on, bowed slightly to me and very nearly ran from the room, leaving me alone with Toris.

Despite his promises that he couldn't completely heal Toris, he'd done a fantastic job. The only sign that he'd been injured in the first place was the slight swelling, blotchy bruising and the stitches. It looked as though he'd only been struck hard enough to require stitches to cover a gash. I disconnected the IV drip and slid the needle from his wrist, smiling I covered his face with sterile gauze and attached it into place and looked over to make sure it wouldn't slip. Carefully I slid my arms under his neck and knees and lifted him from the gurney and took him from the closet room and carried him to his own room. I placed him on the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, kissed him lightly on the lips before exiting, glancing back with a small smile.

We would begin when he woke.

A/N: I apologize for the oc…he was used only for this chapter…and maybe one more. Who else did you torture Ivan? Seesh…poor Toris..

Again I apologize for my lack of updateness, I've been plagued by a lot of bad turns. I promise to continue soon!

Амры


	8. Baltoji Mintys

Baltoji Mintys

Nes tu vėl parašyti kažką, pirmiausia turite panaikinti pirmosios raštuose.

It was the whiteness that scared him. The non-feeling that numbed him from his head down. Even when he _knew_ there should be _something_. But nothing ever came. It was a white box of a room, devoid of any and all colors. He was lying down on something that was neither hard nor soft. Merely comfortable. Which to him was odd.

Trying to stand was a feat of extreme strength, it felt like he weighed more than his petite frame was capable of holding. Like someone had tied weights to arms and torso, but he fought the heaviness and was able to sit after a monumental battle. His vision swam as he tried to orientate himself, this was not where he had been the day before. And for the life of him, couldn't figure out what he was doing here. Hauling himself to his feet he slowly stumbled across the room trying to find a way out. He refused to let his panic grab hold of him as he meandered around the room searching desperately for a crack that was hiding in the seams of the room, but found nothing.

Trying to control his fear he hobbled back to the bed and sat with his back to the wall. Tremors shivered down his spine and he bit back his fear, his eyes blurring with tears as he tried to stop them from pouring down his face. He wracked his memory for any information that would be able to help him

He pulled nothing but a blank.

No name.

No memories.

No past feelings.

Nothing.

It was then that he began to notice the many wrappings that laced his arms and led up to his eyes. Keeping his breathing even he stared at the skin that was unmarked,...and white. White as sheaf paper. No markings, no scars, no pigmentation, no hair..it was just white. Blank.

Fear shoved ahead of his control and he scrambled frantically, looking for...for...there! In the corner, where it hadn't been earlier was a floor to ceiling mirror. Trepidation started to roil in his stomach as he approched the looking glass. He peeked around the lip of the glass, and what he saw he couldn't comprehend.

There was no color. His eyes were a lifeless white, hair while quite long and slightly curly, had no color to compliment it. The hues looked like they had been either bleached from his eyes and hair...or erased. Completely.

The bandages that were wrapped around his face blended almost completely with his skin. Raising a hand to them he tugged gently at the wrappings only find that they gave almost at once. He shut his eyes in fear at what he'd find behind them. If he was wrapped...he must have had an injury and a serious one for all the gauze they had used. Who ever "_they"_ were, as he hadn't a clue to who might've done it. The wrappings continued to pool at his feet, it seemed that they were one continous length from his face to his arms... soon the last of it was dropping off and all that could be heard was his heavy breathing.

_One look...if it's horrible I won't keep looking...I'll turn away._

Mind made up he cracked one eye open and then the other. Transfixed he couldn't scream, couldn't turn away. It wasn't what _wasn't_ on his face but rather what _was._

A large part of his cheekbone had caved and sunken in, a black monstrous hole that marred the whiteness of his skin. But it didn't end there, it looked like there were _stiches_ crisscrossing over the edges of the wound, as though someone had tried to mend it but hadn't been able to stop the hole from caving inwards. Beyond his neck his torso was littered with black marks that had somewhat faded, whether due to age or depth he didn't know. But standing proud amongst the marks was something even worse.

Black as night and bold as the gaping hole that marred his face stood the words:

**Шлюха****из****России**

He didn't know what the words said…but the intent was unmistakable. It was a sign of ownership…of possession.

Too overwhelmed by the sight he made, his colorless eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell back into the white once more.

A/N: Hey guys, I know it's been forever since I updated but I hope you can forgive me. I live in Alabama now and just two weeks ago my town was ripped apart by tornados and just yesterday another one came through. So I am still alive and I apologize for the wait. But I've brought you another chapter…XD

Baltoji Mintys: White Thoughts

What is Ivan up to? Well I've left you a clue..if you can find it...kudos and a huge cookie. This shouldn't be much longer..XD it'll end soon Toris! Hold on!

S.A.B.


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